im feeling freaking sad, freaking pissed off, freaking terrible, my dad jus dont understand me, keep kp me ytd night when im feeling so down.. i feel like quarreling with him and jus get out of the house and never come back.. hais.. i need you, where are you now? my heart hurts.. im regreting now.. hais. i love you..

its over, i know i will sure regret it.. im feeling very terrible right now.. i know it cant be helped.. im jus feeling very terrible.. will you come back? haha what am i thinking.. be happy k.. i love you..

the journey to where it all begans.

May 3rd, 2008, I first met you at the bus-stop opposite your place, you looked kinda familar though i do not know you yet.. after that was intro to you and had fun together at sentosa and we became together in the same clique..

June 20th, 2008, The 1st time i cycled to find you, even though u are quite uncomfortable with it, you still endure from ehub all the way till ikea there.. oops i made a wrong turn and u had to take a short cab to tp while i walk.. had a great experience though, but thats the 1st and last time that i have cycled you.. no more bicycle though, cannot cycle you.. next time see how k? =)

June 30th, 2008, the night before the clock strikes 12, i said the words, asking you to become part of my live, to become my girlfriend. You agreed and even though we had cup noodles for supper that day.. we were both super duper happy!! =)

July 30th, 2008, First month together, had Fish & Co. the 1st month present you gave me, the pictures that we took together, the quotes that meant alot, and lastly the smile that you brought me, we were both glad to be able to make it and i trying to commit myself more since then, trying lar.. =) happy 1st month!

August 30th, 2008, 2nd month of happiness together, many things happen in this second month.. i introduced you to my bedok friends, went swimming at sengkang, had badminton sessions, we still have fun together, and not to forget the royce chocolate =))
a quote for the 2nd month,
"Rain or Shine, I'll still always be beside you.
may our love pile to greater heights down the road."
where are you right now?

September 30th, 2008, 3rd month together, we had lots of fun together, even though having small arguments at times, but we quickly settled them and move on with smiles on our face. Swimming and badminton session still, went to sakae with my friends and even Night Safari together with Tp Clique. Anyways, went over to Sentosa! Underwater world, Cable Car, Cineblast, Skyride, Luge, Baby and Me! Actually planned to go sky dining but no money, and wonder if theres still any chances that we will be going together anot..

October 30th, 2008, 4th month! Chalets, bbqs and even attending 1 of my brother's POP together.. i don't know you but i have a great time and am happy with you!! Received a card from you for the 4th, and we had a short celebration because of school and stuffs and ya.. watched movie for the day.. =))

November 30th, 2008, the 5th! have not been spending much time together this month, cause you meeting out with most of your friends mah.. so ya lo.. alot of things are not going as planned, and you are still unassured.. mentioned abt me leaving you 1 day, but i wont, because i love you dip dip.. =) so will you do the same? =) <3

December 30th, 2008, Wow we went through the 5th!! and now the 6th!! you listed your likes and dislikes over, and i saw and tried be become better =) but somehow things are not the same anymore =(( December 2008 is the worst month of my life.. many things happen ( you should know) and you stood there by my side, <3ing me and caring for me, i love the Cd that you gave me =) was kinda hoping if we next time wedding can use =PP but you told someone you not gonna marry me =(( ooo 6th months fly, time flies.

in 2008, the most happiest thing that i have is YOU!! you made my day, you made my life. Even though sometimes i made you shed tears, you forgive me, Im sorry baby =(. Im so blessed to have you around in my life. And yes, nothing's gonna change my love for you =)) I cherish every moment i spend with you.. =))

January 30th, 2009! woot 7th month liao =)) had tons of fun counting down for 2009 watched our 1st fireworks together =) CNY!! baby went to my friend's place for bai nian.. too bad i cant go along because of you know what.. but baby still bring them and come to my grandma's place =) intro her too all my relatives haha =) and baby so happy cause win alot of money also =) i hope to have all my CNY with you =) and yes my love im not cheating on you!! =DD

Febuary 30th, 2009! wow reach 8th month liao.. So lovely dovey la the 2 of us, had our 1st valentine's day together!!! and will have many and many more to come right?? i know will de =)

March 30th, 2009! big month!! 9th month together, had our first chalet that we opened together, movie and video spree!! spend our anniversary day going out to town, then Fish & Co again, baby's favourite!! even though we had a small quarrel, everything jus turns out fine.. and you got ur DA SAN YUAN!!!! wth!!

April 30th, 2009 is the 10th month that we have been together, Sakae buffet during that day.. and this month, have lots of heart to heart talk with you and sort out many things.. Baby is damn happy that i got the tiny little cute Stitch for her.. wonder whens the next time we will be having Sakae together?? hmmm...

May 30th, 2009. 11th month liao wor... 1 more = year liao!!! had a shock of my life.. baby chua lied to me saying her mum needs help but in the end a surprise birthday + 11th month anniversary for me.. im sosososososososososo touched and sooooo super duper happy lar baby chua.. but u spend alot on me leh.. haha =) i really love love love love you so very super duper much you know?? =))

June 30th, 2009, 1 YEAR! WOOT WE TOGETHER 1 YEAR ALREADY!!! lol so ji dong.. haha because of school, we cant go out whole day, but still, went out and have fun!! this month we went fishing together and camping?? ( cause i get a tent mah..) i love you noelle chua!! you are more than words can say!!

July 30th, 2009, 13th month, nothing much happen this month, its not because its not impt but because we are having our exams and cant do much so i think i brought baby to my grandma's place =D well, noelle, you are all that i have now!! =)

August 30th, 2009, 14th liaos.. Decided to take over the chalet of my auntie since she doesn't want it.. so happy. 2nd chalet i open with baby lolol.. haha had fun with my cousins there even though quite noisy la.. but still have fun with them and not to forget my baby!!! she looks like a xian qi liang mu when preparing the stuffs LOL!! =D i love you =)

September 30th, 2009, 15th!! 1 year and a quarter wor!! lol i found out that during now iluma like our second place to go. but go there sure spend alot.. cause u know why hahahaha =D caught lots of softtoys for baby that day and went to eat manhattan and movie with baby too loves loves muacks muacks.. hope we can do that more often =D

October 30th, 2009, 16th month liaos =))))) went out as usual.. have lots of fun with baby =DD even fishing with xiong and allan.. baby dun mind mixing with my friends hahahaha cause shes my favourite baby and i love baby chua lots lots to the max !! hee i used ttm!!! LOL

November 30th, 2009, i forget where we went to but i think we went over iluma to play lan =DD and after that walk walk lo.. hahahaha no matter what.. everyday with baby chua is a happy day.. i miss baby chua.. where are you now?

December 30th is coming in 2 days, we have had a big quarrel which we never had for this entire 17 months of relationship.. i feel that i have lost you.. will we be okay? will we continue this journey till the end? Being together is about honesty and trust.. to tell you this, even though im not very sure that i can do it, i will trust you once again, why? cause u are my baby chua =) be honest with me will you? i will trust you.. i promise =) and and i miss you tons and wan you to shower your love upon me again.. you will do it right?

with much love, baby choo to baby chua. =)

我崩溃了

我知道我很烦，一直都在问你问题，一直都在让你烦恼，让你流泪，
曾经有人说过，一醉解千愁，但事实就是如此吗？
我知道你很累，对不起。

你知道吗？你已经是我生命中最重要的一部分了。 我已经习惯了你的存在，已经不能没有你了。

告诉我，你是不是想要我对你的事都不闻不问？是不是要我不再管你了？

这就是你想要的吗？

你对我说你需要时间，去考虑，去想，但是我很害怕，害怕给你时间，你会爱上另一个他。

不是我对你没有信心，而是对我自己没信心。

你知道吗？你写过这样的一句话：Me and Mars doesn't have that special something yet.

你知道那个yet字真的让我很不安吗？我一直很害怕你知道吗？

请原谅我的懦弱，
对不起，我爱你。

today.. u woke up before me... used the computer and saw some things..
yes.. i told people abt it.. and i let u find out.. i could have deleted them but.. i didnt.. i dont wan to, went over to ikea with u.. even though u keep on msging, and msging, checking ur phone all the time..i actually chose to keep 1 eye close.. but in the end.. i cant.. i tried to ask u to stop all this.. but u ask mi not to force you..

i feel that im a coward, afraid to lose you..
afraid to know the fact that happiness might not be there for u anymore..
afraid to be alone again..

everytime i logon msn, my name wasnt there anymore.. and i guess it will not be there for quite sometime.. or even forever.. haix.. =(

time is all u need.. but i have to apologize if im being impatient.. i cant sleep well these days... my heart hurts.. it really does... i hope for a these to be a dream.. a nightmare that would be over when i wake up.. but apparently, its not...

i shall wait for ur answer.. whether is it over or not.. i shall wait..

lastly.. i love you.. =) even though u are not saying it anymore..=((

<33 wan an bao bei..

hopefully.. today turned out quite ok.. even though u shed tears..
i really don't wish you to go out with him yet again,
afraid of losing you.
do you really have to go?
is it so important to you?
if you go.. will you return? or be gone forever?
those things that you wrote on ur other blog..
will you still be there to fight the battle with me?
i need to be assured.. need to be calmed, need to be told by you that you would never leave me no matter what..
cause now, im feeling that im fight a losing battle, alone..
why is it that i need to get this feeling again, ever since mom's gone,
i have started to pick myself up, will i fall again?
i have no idea.

sometimes i wonder to myself.. will all this happen if i didnt stay over at grandma's,
will all this happen if theres no wedding dinner that night?
will it?
i believed very much that its somewhat my fault that this had happen..
had i not loved you enough?
had i not dote you enough?
all the questions are in my head right now..
i really hope for the better..
really hoped that you will answer me..
that i will not be alone...

<3 you..